I love my ears. Without my ears I couldn’t see. That’s because they hold up my glasses.
Due to two hyperactive, cacophonous, lovable, rage-inducing 4-year-old boys, I can only experience media with my eyes. This is why I have a special affinity for closed captioning, and why I find it particularly irritating when the closed caption transcriber phones it in with grammatical gobbledygook disguised as a potentially coherent sentence.
After extensive therapy, I have chosen to find these erroneous closed captions “amusing.” With that in mind, I have collected the funniest closed captioning mistranslations in the sci-fi and fantasy realms and now present them for your inspection.